Tag Archive
We’re Up to Something
At ToddiPhone, scheming is Job 1. Deep inside our super-secret laboratory hundreds of kilometres beneath the Earth’s crust, our mad geniuses are hard at work hatching diabolical plans to revolutionize the telecommunications industry. For example, they’ve created the satellite to end all satellites. Literally. They’ve spun thousands of feet of fibre optic cable into a behemoth that makes the [...]
What Does Your Phone Say About You?
Plenty. After all, it’s more than a communications device, it’s a reflection of you. And what if your phone is a ToddiPhone? You’re cheap. You have low standards. You’ll go anywhere, with anyone, anytime. You’re here for a good time, not a long time. You’re disposable. Your integrity is suspect. You’re internally flawed. You hide [...]
Disposable Phones for Your Disposable Relationships
Remember your friend’s wedding? Of course you don’t. You drank so much that the bartender started pre-mixing your cocktail as soon as he spied your lumbering carcass weaving vaguely forward on its umpteenth trip back to Plasterville. That night may be a haze, but you’ve never forgotten the consequences: that person that you slept with — the [...]
The Perfect Gift!
You know that person in your life that you kind of know, or know well but dislike, perhaps even hate? Eventually they’ll get married or have a birthday or something and you’ll be obligated to give them a gift. Make sure that gift gives the right message: “I had to get you something. Here it is. [...]
Land(line) of the Free, Home (number) of the Brave
Cheap? Invincible? Immortal? Let us be your new mobile phone company! If you don’t know the meaning of the word dangerous, have we got a product for you! If you’re daring enough to give death a big, juicy kiss on the lips before giving him an atomic wedgie or a kick in the groin, then [...]
Life is short.
Life is short. Your phone bill should be too. We can help with both. At ToddiPhone we don’t believe in excess: overcharges, function and features, customer service, technical support, satisfaction surveys, quality control, environmental protection, product testing, safety assessment… good God the list goes on and on. Frankly, it makes our life and yours needlessly complicated, not [...]
Happy Interdependence Day!
Yes, it was back in this day in 1776 when a bunch of profoundly inebriated politicians declared: “Yesh indeed. Lesh make theesh conolies, uhhhhh, colonies, into a county! Unggghhh. Country. Shorrry. Whersch my drink?” It’s a cause for celebration! And perhaps a beer. And what goes better with beer, burgers, freedom fries, a beer, pizza, fried chicken, [...]
Happy Canuckistan Day!
Yes, it was back in this day in 1867 when a bunch of profoundly inebriated politicians declared: “Yesh indeed. Lesh make theesh conolies, uhhhhh, colonies, into a county! Unggghhh. Country. Shorrry. Whersch my drink?” It’s a cause for celebration! And perhaps a beer. And what goes better with beer, moose sausage, perogies, a beer, smoked meat sandwiches, [...]
When your tech needs grow up…
When you’ve outgrown kiddie technology — two cheap tin cans and a piece of string — it’s time to get a ToddiPhone! Better range and reception, and nearly as inexpensive. At ToddiPhone we use only the finest, imported steel cans and hand-wound twine. The result is supreme durability and unmatched fidelity. It’s absolutely nothing like [...]
We’re Cheap. And You Like Cheap.
At ToddiPhone we never pretend to be anything expect what we are. We’re cheap and we know it. And you wouldn’t have us any other way. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s who you are. Be proud of that. When cashiers ask you to donate to the Children’s Hospital and you lie, “I already gave.” Cheap. [...]
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This work by Todd Richard Lyons is licensed for use, distribution and remixing under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Canada License (en français).