trl.ca
the personal space of todd richard lyons

I lost 9  pounds lost this month (and 24.4 pounds in total)!  My lowest weight was 197 and I’m not exactly certain why it spiked up nearly two pounds only one day after.  Two theories: (1) my body is continuing to fight the weight loss, because the change is sudden and my equilibrium is still at the level of ~200; and (2) I’ve been eating an excessive amount of sodium recently because of the types of foods served during the Christmas season.

Regarding the first possibility, a recent article in the New York Times described the body’s response to extreme weight loss in terms of a coordinated defence mechanism, similar to our immune response to disease.  As I’ve now lost over 10% of my previous body weight, it’s safe to say I may have undergone sufficient change to evoke a defensive response.

If it’s the second possibility, this may be simple water retention.  My weight has continued to go down every day since the spike, and I’m currently at 197.4 as of today.

I took more chances this month.  I started drinking less unsweetened green tea, and branched into more Splenda–flavoured coffees and teas.  I returned to eating favourites like pita bread and hummus.  I even completely gorged myself at a buffet luncheon on Boxing Day, eating over 2300 calories in a sitting and over 3000 for the day (though I did exercise 1500 worth that night).  The net result is that I felt happier, making it easier to continue to engage in what still amounts to controlled starvation. It doesn’t feel like starvation most days, though.  I eat what I want to eat, provided I’m willing to engage in sufficient exercise that evening to work my net calories back down into balance.

I also revised  my goals.  My target of 150 pounds represented my high school weight, which I now feel is an unrealistic goal given that I had very little muscle as a 17 year old.  My new target is 162, which I hope will give me sufficient room to retain the muscle I’ve built under this fat over the last 20-odd years.

It’s six weeks since I started my diet and exercise regimen… I am now just over 200 pounds, or nearly 22 pounds down from where I started.

Today is four weeks since I started this physical rebirth. Sixteen pounds doesn’t seem like much to have lost, and maybe it’s gone unnoticed by other people, but there’s already a perceptible effect to me.

The other day I passed by the large mirror in the washroom at my workplace… and I actually caught my own eye. Surprising, because I’ve never been one to let my eyes linger on myself for very long. Rather, I’ve struggled with accepting my physical appearance for most of my life. I was too plain looking when I was young, and too bald as I got older.

But on this particular day I actually stood and looked at myself in the mirror. My face looked tighter, my abdomen looked smaller, my business clothes were flattering. Without thinking, I paid myself a compliment.

“You look really good today. Handsome.”

And I meant it.

I’ve always kind of thrived on external validation. It’s probably what pushed me out of my bedroom and onto the stages of nightclubs and restaurants (back when I had the time to keep late hours).  But there’s nothing like the power of being able to pay yourself a sincere compliment. I’m highly critical of myself. So when I’m kind to myself, I really mean it.

It gave me the confidence to start weighing myself nude. My socks and undies don’t even register on my scale, so it’s not an advantage (believe me, I checked). But for those few minutes of privacy during my morning weigh-in, it gives me the chance to see absolutely everything, and evaluate my progress.

I’m pleased, not thrilled,  with what I’m seeing.  Over the coming months I want to be increasingly impressed…  I’d like to be as captivated with the naked me as I recently was with the dressed-up me.

In the long term it would be nice to think that I’ll look good enough that even strangers will be impressed with my body, and possibly wonder how good I look without the clothes.

Hey, it could happen.

In the very least, I want to make it to the point in my life where people don’t really remember me being fat.  Or can’t imagine me being fat.